[FONT="] Tavern Tales[/FONT]
[FONT="]Some ***-hole looked at my beer belly in the pub last night[/FONT]
[FONT="]and sarcastically asked,[/FONT]
[FONT="]"Is that Budweiser or Pabst Blue Ribbon?"[/FONT]
[FONT="]I said,[/FONT]
[FONT="]"There's a tap underneath, taste it."[/FONT]
[FONT="]***[/FONT]
[FONT="]I was talking to a girl in the bar last night.[/FONT]
[FONT="]She said, "If you lost a few pounds, got a shave,[/FONT]
[FONT="]and got your hair cut,[/FONT]
[FONT="]you'd look pretty good."[/FONT]
[FONT="]I said, "If I did that, I'd be talking to your friends over there."[/FONT]
[FONT="]***[/FONT]
[FONT="]I went to the pub last night, had a shot of Ezra Brooks[/FONT]
[FONT="]and saw a fat chick dancing on a table.[/FONT]
[FONT="]I said to her, "Nice legs."[/FONT]
[FONT="]The girl giggled and said with a smile, "Do you really think so."[/FONT]
[FONT="]I said "Definitely, most tables would have collapsed by now. "[/FONT]
[FONT="]***[/FONT]
[FONT="]I was telling a girl in the pub about my ability to guess what day a[/FONT]
[FONT="]woman was born just by feeling their breasts.[/FONT]
[FONT="]"Really" she said, "Go on then... try."[/FONT]
[FONT="]After about 30 seconds of fondling she began to lose patience.[/FONT]
[FONT="]"Come on, what day was I born"?[/FONT]
[FONT="]I said, “Yesterday."[/FONT]
[FONT="]***[/FONT]
[FONT="]"Jesus loves you."[/FONT]
[FONT="]It's a gratifying thing to hear in church,[/FONT]
[FONT="]but it's a terrible thing to hear in a Mexican prison.[/FONT]
